"How to Become Ridiculously Well-Read in One Evening" "Jane Eyre"
Orphan Jane is both plain and unhappy
Her guardian has favourites, is snappy;
This pious old ghoul
Sents her ward off to school,
Hoping Lowood will make her less yappy.
Thinly clothed, poorly fed, badly taught,
Jane despairs as her plans come to naught,
Til she's offered a job
With an upper-class yob
Who is brooding, erotic and fraught.
Jane leaves when the boss gets too randy
(He's still got a wife - ain't that dandy?);
Then fate plays a hand -
Jane is left twenty grand
Which for Jane (and the plot) is quite handy.
Back at Thornfield the lad's less erratic
Since Bertha's escape from the attic;
Jane hears of the arson
Then sends for the parson
And Rochester's blindly ecstatic.